Yes, for being back... NOT! I think leaving my house this time was harder than leaving for college itself... There were just so many things i left behind unaccomplished that i wish i could have another week to settle. I also wish i could have seen some of my friends for a longer time span. Oh well, life keeps rollin dont it? Gotta keep your head high...

Well i'll go ahead and say that Yes, i did have an emotional breakdown right when i came back to AU yesturday... Everything that happened this past week just swept up inside of me & came rushing out like a big volcano eruption. Where is my life going? What have I accomplished? If i stop breathing tomorrow, could i really look back upon my life & say "hey, good job brittany! You have accomplished so much & i'm proud of myself"? I cant really see where my life will be in 10 or 20 years right now...heck, i cant even predict what my life will be like a few months from now! This is exactly what gets me- UNCERTAINTY! Ya ever think about that stuff? Sadly i must say that I am not high on life right now...but I am still high on Jesus, thats for sure! I may not know where my life is taking me, but I know He does & I trust in Him alone. I want to send a big thanks to the best friend a girl could ever ask for right now, Katie Flippin Malone...you hear me out & listen to my sobbing even if it is hard to decipher haha. I love you 

BUT everything will be alright & its time for change.. Yeah, you heard me. CHANGE, it is good! First step I accomplished was sleeping in my bed, not the futon. Rach & I are changing the room around this weekend too so i'm super pumped. I know this isnt a huge change to you guys, but it'll give me some much needed variety & possibly get me out of this funk i'm livin in. Who knows, maybe by sleeping in my bed i think i'll be instantly taken back to first semester when things were right (at some point they were). I know, foolish...but i can only keep dreamin.

So heres the deal, I'm going to start putting forth tons of effort to be happy in life- no matter what, i'm going to try to live everyday to the fullest, i want to value my friends a whole lot more, i'm willing to wait & have patience for the one i want so that means non-boy campus here for me, i'm not going to NY sadly...i know its a heartbreak for me, but right now its the only sensible solution. Steve isnt upset & i still have to break it to Ryan (one of the pastors there) but it'll be alright, I'm going to spend tons of time with Sara B in the summer, i'll get to see graduation (yay!), there will be no worries about getting to the wedding in Kentucky, i'm going to work a lot to save up some cash, i hope to spend a lot of time with someone in Funcie kindling an awesome friendship, i'll get to see my family more & if i dont want to then i'll just live with Sara B, AND well...it'll all work out for the best, cause ya know, i'm working by God's plan...He will work wonders & i know this!!

So there it is ya'll... like it? love it? Just deal with it cause this is how i roll!!

Currently Listening One More Day By Diamond Rio see related

Spring FLIPPIN Break, WOOOOOT!!!!:) Gotta love it ya'll...and what better way to spend it than getting to have two of my favorite AU chicas home with me & getting to hang out w/ pretty much the coolest home friends i know. Every time i say that one girl pops into my mind because i love her so much & honestly, straight up...it kills my heart that i do not get to see her hardly at all like i would like to...joanna dear, this is for you. I love you & care about you so much and i just want to say this on here because i know you read my blogs (lol) and i really dont want you thinking i dont want to be in your life more...I DO, SO BAD. you have no idea really...you know i look up to you (i know sometimes i shouldnt lol) cause you're amazing...i just want you to know all this. OKAY, on to something different... SB started out alright and then got SUPER AMAZING. Ugh, monday & tuesday were probably the best days of this whole entire semester (for events that took place, not because i was on my own). Maybe thats only because i have learned what i need to value in life & what i need to cherish a lot more. OOOOH maturity...how you hit me strong.

Hokay, well basically nicole, katie, and I have just been lounging around my house, watching tv, and hanging out with my friends at the night time. They have met Kaley, Tony, Sara, Landon, Manda, Alex, Joanna, Ben, and saw Racel again so i think they're pretty much well covered. I love my home friends soooo much! When they werent with me, I went to Senora D at the high school with Kaley & it was super sweet. I love that woman with all my heart, let me tell ya! She could give & give until her little sweet self couldnt give any longer...which is what makes her so amazing. She gave us candy, asked a question about the M word haha, and then gave us nice warm hugs...awww! After that i hung out w/ Kay for like 8 min. haha & then went to Bdubs with Jon. Ahh, sweet meeting... very sweet disscussion. Let me say it now, Jon i love you buddy & it means the world to me that you have helped me with this. It shows a lot of maturity and wisdom my friend and i truly give you lots of respect! Hmm then i did the usual babysitting till 8:30pm (score for them getting home early!!) and went over to see my tony/sara/landon. BUT i got a phone call before that just blew me away & made my night...no i take that back, made my day! hehe I doubted that he would call me seeing how he hasnt in a long time so when i saw the name on the outside of my home, my heart skipped a beat i tell ya lol. So that happened...and then tuesday came

I had to work in Anderson and it was just blah, then i met Adam for dinner...mmmm... I miss everything about him and the good times we used to have. I just wish i could spend more time with him, hang out...i dont know, just be around him! argh! I'm so so happy for him & the person he has become. But when i return to my AU bubble, it just feels like i'm in a whole other world from him...and the same goes for home friends too. Ehh, sadness. Oh well, dinner equaled amazing for me & then i was off for more hanging out. I got to spend some much needed time w/ Steve-O, yayy!! I love him and Carrie so dang much! I honestly felt like i was in another home when sitting on that couch...gotta love it. So we chatted about everything, basically we had a life catching up session like usual. I've come to the conclusion that i wont be that upset if NY doesnt work out. It is getting so late now that i dont know how i'm going to make everything work & go to plan...chances for finances & telling my parents are getting pretty dang slim. Plus, bonus points of staying home for the summer: Getting to see friends, some of which i would love to spend A LOT of the summer with, working to boost my nice bank account, not having to worry about the wedding plans, getting to spend time with my parents, seeing my loves graduate frinally, and possibly being able to take summer classes so i can get ahead of the game. I know, it might sound boring to you guys but its sounding pretty sensible to me right now, especially when i'm having TONS of doubts about NY currently. Sure, it would be a great opportunity & i do need to get away from everything for once, but what is the likelyhood of everything coming together like it should? Hmmm...

Okay i know this has been really long but hey, you love me if you're reading... so have a super sweet day!:)

PS i apologize sincerely to Melissa & Kaley for not being around so much this break...you girls know you have a special place in my heart anyways. *Muah!

Holy not writing for over a week....

UMM so i spend way too much time on this thing. I just now realize this? holy spending almost three hours on Facebook/Myspace/Xanga when i do get on here... can we say technology addicted? Yesh... And i hate how everytime i get on to write a blog, i end up forgetting half the stuff i did in the past days so to heck with it...Anyways, so life...Spring Break is very very soon, YAYY rah for home, good food, my little "orphan friends" coming home with me haha, and getting to see people from home that i realllllly love. I need Kaley... i think i miss that girl most of all...dang, where did you go dear, i love you...come back to me! I'm also gonna make a surprise appearance at DHS to see the BEST spanish teacher in the world, good ole' Senora D...thats right. love JU! Hopefully i can catch up on some sleep & maybe homework for the weeks to come too...most likely not seeing how i shall be spending a whole lot of time with my AU chicas! mmm hmmm!! They always have a special place in mi corazon...

Have you ever connected so well with song lyrics that it just makes you sit there & think so deeply about all the emotions they bring out? I've noticed here lately that i'm taking song lyrics much more personally & actually getting meaning out of them...Adamo was very proud of me for this. haha...especially DMB (holy listening to Michael Jackson right now...yeah, about those lyrics...?hahaha sorry random) I just love the place i am at right now in life though...I can honestly say that I am at the most mature spiritual & emotional state I have ever been in. I have also been working out & running every other day so I feel physically fit, too. It feels great to say that!! Most, i stress most, things are coming together & God is shining down on me everyday...gosh i love that. His plan...keep followin it ya'll... MMM okay, well i think i'll share some personal stuff i've been thinking about here lately. My counselor has encouraged me to keep writing in my journal so I have been trying to keep up with it, and I have found that it really does help me relax & get some stress off. Let me just start off by saying that Tuesday (yesturday) was one of THE MOST stressful/emotional/physically exerting days of my life... it just seemed like the world would not stop spinning a million miles a minute. Not only did I have a jammed packed day full of classes, practicum, an observation, & homework, but there were also two emotional occurences that shook my world completely. Like i put it in my journal, God provides so many wonderful things such as beautiful young children like at our practicum & observation, but he can take away pieces of our heart in just one instant...

First off, group this week was over the chapter entitled "What to do when friends fail"...yeah. if you know my story, you know this chapter put a dagger right through my heart basically. Wow, what do you do ya know? Hah, i know what I DID but i'm pretty sure it was not the healthy choice. Group did help me out a lot though...it was just great to have people support my reasons & tell me that it was okay that i was upset for what happened. Renee was so amazing too! She knew exactly when i needed a hug...gotta love that! But yeah, lets just say that group was all about the Brittany story (akward at times but productive) and i came out wondering...should i talk to her? Should i just tell her all my feelings...or maybe not...ehh, urgg.

Secondly, we receieved word Tuesday evening that Korey's dad passed away monday morning... oh man, emotional. I just dont know how to react, how to feel, what to do...i have never been good with grieving, at all. I wont even lie about it. I just dont know how to deal with it... But i know that we all need to be strong for Korey & his family & Liz so i'm gonna put forth the best effort as a supporting friend as i possibly can. We love you & you are in our prayers...  that took a big chunk out of Tues. & made 10:07 even more impacting. Even though God taketh away, he still hath provided much.

Okay well i dont think i want to spill much more because its just crazy emotions i have all over the place with everything that is on my plate right now, which fyi, is about the size of a country buffet with 20 million hungry fball players bombarding it from all sides. Yeah, i hope you understand that one....

I love you. I really do & i really wish i could prove that to you but it is not right at this moment.. AHH, okay, so i need this meeting with Jon to come quickly...oh dear, yes i do. Bdubs on Monday...hopefully he can guide me on this messed up path i got going on right now...

Currently Listening Heavier Things By John Mayer Wheel see related

HOKAY, well i did this on myspace too but i just feel like sharing some random thoughts today so enjoy!

I got word back from Steve today about New York...they are going through my references right now (they called steve & jim today) and it will be only two more weeks...ahhh, TWO WEEKS! More waiting, but oh well, atleast i know its not an eternity now like it has been since i sent my application in...

I love my friends...if i didnt have them right here next to me everyday, willing to talk almost every night about random stuff, i dont know how i'd make it. Ya know, its funny because my counselor asked me the other day what i did to get by first semester through all my problems (first sem. = hell , just FYI)...and i didnt really know how i did it...hahaha...it kinda makes me laugh. More than anything, it was my parents, katie, liz, kaley, and brittany d that kept me goin i'm pretty sure. Otherwise, everything around me was chaos. Ehh, thats a whole other story in itself and i'm not at counseling sooo....haha.

Rascal Flatts is purely amazing to me...anytime, any mood...it just doesnt matter. I wish i could go to their concert sometime...and i hope i get to go to the Fall Out Boy/ All-American Rejects show. grr...uncertainties.

I dont really like going to LART movies...takes up too much of my time that i could be doing so many other productive things. Anyone agree perhaps?

My abs really hurt. BUT i am gettin pretty buff so...get your tickets quickly!

When i grow up...maybe i should consider becoming a stripper in Las Vegas...